Carla Sixx Has Left The Party

Current mood: ashamed
Category: Life

6:14 AM

I'm sitting here after the end of what you could honestly call a pretty wild party. How I didn't get out of hand worse than I already had, I still can't comprehend. I'm actually contemplating having another drink. I've got Coke in front of me, and a bottle of straight Bacardi. Not to mention a few long been unfinished drinks laying around the room. And hey... you can't get a hang over if you never officially ended the night. My pomegranate cooler is looking mighty fine.

I can honestly tell you why I put myself through the test of booze worse and worse with each party I attend. The answer is actually quite simple. More booze, less inhibitions, more sociability, less noticing how lonely and alone I really am. And everyone likes to escape reality.

When I joke with my friends and tell them I will soon be in AA, I don't exactly think I'm joking. In fact, I just found an unopened shooter of B-52. Having it now. But I seriously prefer my nice strong whiskey. And straight.

But yeah... That's one thing I really hate about parties, and one of the main reasons I'm so reluctant to attend. It's so painful to be reminded of how lonely I really am.

Being fifth wheel and playing the extra fiddle just shows how pathetic of a loser I am. Especially when I'm trying to focus on killing my buzz so I can get some sleep while the people right next to me are practically getting it on right there. It's all fine and dandy that you like each other, but there's only so much that a broken and lonely heart can handle. And it feels like that's never going to change for me. I'm holding onto a dream that won't come true. A love that barely exists, and leaves me lonely.

Time to finish my drinks. I counted 16 successful drinks tonight. One spilled all over the floor as I was tipsy and trying to read a shag dice on the floor.

My drink count is back up again. I'm back on track... in a sad and pathetic way.

I don't wanna be lonely anymore.

7:05am. End time.