Feeling Floaty

So... I finally did it!

I was afraid to call... You know... that whole "looking needy" thing and all. But I was having a rough time and I just needed to hear a voice of someone that I trusted, whether that be a pre-recorded voice or not.

So at lunch break, I did it. I called his number, once again expecting to get the voicemail machine as every other time I've ever called. I was ready to leave a very quick message, too. Either in anger, frustration, fear of the day, whatever. Just SOMETHING told me inside that I needed to call. I'm so glad I got that push.

Right before the voicemail was ready to go off, he answered. My face would have been very freaking funny to see. I was beyond shocked. I was shocked, happy, excited, nervous, everything in one. I was very glad to hear his voice on the other side of the line. All the frustrations of the morning and the depression and whatnot of the night before was totally erased and forgotten. It felt great.

So we talked about everything and nothing all in one. That's just what we've always been like. I really appreciated the fact that he stayed on the line with me until someone came by to talk to me in the lunch room. A full half hour of talking... I needed that. I made sure to thank him for it.

Also, I've finally heard him say my name. I know it sounds stupid and whatnot, but out of all the years I've known him, I've not once remembered him saying my name. So for a long time, I wanted him to. I have come close to asking him to say it many times before. I just wanted to hear how he'd pronounce my name or something. I don't know how to explain it, but for some reason it just meant a lot to me if I could hear him say my name. Weird, I know, but true.

So when saying goodbye, right before hanging up, he said it. It did something to me. I got a sudden calmness come over me... right down to my very core. Like everything was finally right in the world. It was such a nice feeling. I really needed that. And he pronounced my name the way I like it to be pronounced! Not many people say it right, but he did! That definitely made me happy.

Needless to say, I had a permasmile for the rest of the day. Everyone else was glad to see that I was finally in a good mood, too. Only... they didn't know the extent of how happy I was. How calm and appreciated I felt inside.

Something really changed. Something really did feel right in the world. I don't know how to explain that in any other way. It just... felt amazing.

There was some bad stuff that happened afterwards, but that's okay. Things have went bad, but they got better. And I'm still feeling floaty deep down. That's the best part.

I love this feeling. I'm more appreciative of having him in my life than ever.
I just hope he knows how much I appreciate him. Even just being there.
I love him for him.